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New Year’s resolutions: 30 plans for 30 MLB teams, from new owners to a World Series for the Mets and Yankees

New Year's resolutions: 30 plans for 30 MLB teams, from new owners to a World Series for the Mets and Yankees

The New Year, Volume 2023 is upon us, and that means a dual occasion to reflect upon our misfires of the year prior and look forward to our derelictions of the year to come. As it turns out, this grim ritual of inventory can also be applied to the clubs that play This, Our Baseball. The Royal We shall now do such a thing. 

Resolution: At least pretend to try
Assigned to: Oakland A’s, Pittsburgh Pirates, Kansas City Royals

The A’s have concluded a scorched-earth teardown of the roster, and while team ownership was in the process of destroying the roster, they also raised ticket prices for the 2022 season. This, of course, was an effort to make the Las Vegas relocation threat seem somehow necessary. As for the here and now, care to wager a guess on who the current highest-paid Oakland Athletic is? That would be middle reliever Trevor May, who will make $7 million for the upcoming season. Per Cot’s Contracts at Baseball Prospectus, the A’s right now have a projected 2023 Opening Day payroll of $49.5 million, which is not even half of the estimated luxury-tax bill that Mets owner Steve Cohen will have to pay. Oh, and the A’s are once again revenue-sharing recipients, so they’re heavily on the MLB dole right now. 

The A’s are the current worst offender in this evergreen category of team ownership groups who aren’t even feigning effort. However, let’s not allow the Pirates and Royals to pass without ridicule. They too have Opening Day payrolls likely to come in at less than Cohen’s tax bill. Pirates owner Bob Nutting couldn’t even be bothered to invest in the roster at adequate levels when the Pirates had World Series aspirations during Andrew McCutchen’s peak, so nothing’s surprising here. As for the Royals, owner John Sherman is relatively new on the scene, and he made some overdue changes. However, he’s yet to show he’s serious about putting out an acceptable product. 

So wayward are these clubs that Paul should roast them via unsparing epistle.

Resolution: Conjure/summon/will into existence the 2022 version of Dansby Swanson
Assigned to: Chicago Cubs

The Cubs not so long ago made the anticipated market splash by signing shortstop Dansby Swanson to a seven-year pact. It’s notable for a team whose fan base was starved for a needle-moving addition, and Swanson figures to remain for some time one of the best fielders in baseball at the highly premium position of shortstop. The…

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